[Tommy-G]

Originally Posted by aliiin

This is the best way to use your time off, waste it doing nothing and recharge/relax.

How do you guys do it with kids? Taking care of myself is hard enough, I couldn't imagine being responsible for another human and dating at the same time.

I get it, but I live in paradise...19 miles from the Gulf of Mexico. Crystal water, pure white sand....and I sat watching crap TV.
Luckily, we decided no kids for us long ago. Only furry ones

[Sara]

Originally Posted by aliiin

This is the best way to use your time off, waste it doing nothing and recharge/relax.

How do you guys do it with kids? Taking care of myself is hard enough, I couldn't imagine being responsible for another human and dating at the same time.

It’s really easy. Prioritize your child (when you have one), yourself, and then dating.

Making time for you is key. It’s a win, win for everyone and it’s really not hard at all. Plus it makes the other person crave you when you’re not always available.

[CTinline-six]

Originally Posted by Alfisti

That's not waste if it's one or two days, that is recharging the batteries.

+1

Always need time away to recharge the batteries. My job relies heavily on technology. On vacation I want to relax, enjoy the outdoors, etc. No cell service is even better.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

+1

Always need time away to recharge the batteries. My job relies heavily on technology. On vacation I want to relax, enjoy the outdoors, etc. No cell service is even better.

THIS is why I hope my dad never puts a phone line back in the cabin.

Sorry bossman, no cell, no landline, no internet at the cabin. Not even live TV, just DVDs

[Buug959]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

THIS is why I hope my dad never puts a phone line back in the cabin.

Sorry bossman, no cell, no landline, no internet at the cabin. Not even live TV, just DVDs

Yu got legtrisetee in yer kabin??? yoose must be ritch All I gots is ohl lamps.I do gots runin water tho yessiree I gots to run down to the crik ta fetch it hahaha

Originally Posted by King Rudi

If you want more details or want to discuss further, get in touch with me.
This.....all of it.

I see that you are good at psychology. So you have a busy life, what are you talking about a second wife.

[Turkish Pickle]

Originally Posted by Tambohamilton

I'm confused. She loves to sleep, and because of this you get a solid 5h per day to yourself...but you need more time to yourself? What am I missing?

That's a bit of a bummer about the weekend stuff. Seems you can't win there. However, I'm betting that if every other weekend you specifically made plans to do something with her, it'd cut you some slack for the weekends where you go and hang out with your friends.

I like that idea about the weekends, thank you!

Originally Posted by Chihuahua

You're only sleeping three hours per night?

Not too often, but I supplement it with a nap in the afternoon usually. Plus I'm fairly used to stimulants so it's troublesome to go to bed at a reasonable hour

Originally Posted by JP10

Sounds like you don't want to be in the relationship Pickle. None of what I read struck me as abnormal for a girlfriend. If you want to continue the relationship then compromises are needed on both ends. If no parties are willing to compromise then either you break up or someone ends up miserable. That choice would be up to the both of you.

Side note if you went into the relationship giving her majority of your attention, i.e not spending time with your friends frequently, and are now trying to change things because you need space she might not understand.

Have you tried having the same conversation that you're trying to have with us with her?

It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, I'd more so I don't know how to compromise. I don't miss being single, and I wouldn't want anyone else to be my girlfriend.

I should learn how to compromise yes but I'll fully admit to being raised as a spoiled kid who fell HARD when he came to college. I started working hard and I realized I still get what I want, just a bit harder now and then. I usually dont hold back from putting in work to get what I want but this isn't a class or a club where I just need to spend hours on hours learning material. This is fairly new territory to me and I know I haven't been handling it terribly well

I've brought this topic up a few times but it really seems I fail to deliver the point across or there's something else.

Originally Posted by King Rudi

I have experience in this exact situation. Both ex-wives were crazy sleepers. The second was so bad that she would sleep on the weekends til lunch or later. It got to where I couldn't get things done because she would flip if you interrupted her sleep. Then once she was awake she expected to have my entire attention devoted to her. I actually ended up using my time that she was asleep to get quiet work done or go see friends or work outside that didn't involve loud tools, implements and whatnot.

Relationships come down to communication, respect, compromise and empathy. Communicate with her about what your needs are and what you would like in the terms of expectations. Let her know that you want time with the boys to go do shit without her, but explain it in a way that she doesn't take offense to it. If you want more details or want to discuss further, get in touch with me.



This.....all of it.

What's a good way of putting that? She comes along because she likes to spend time with me. I like spending time with her, but I also like spending time with my friends. But on the flip side I'm starting to feel like that created an expectation from her of "I do stuff with your friends why don't you want to hang with mine". I told her about it and all I got was "no what are you talking about"

What's weird to me is, I know it's not a trust issue. I'm not the kind of guy to have hoes while in a relationship, I just like spending time with my friends to geek out over cool cars. Last week I saw 3-4 different Gullwings!


I don't know man, this shit is hard. Never been in a relationship for more than a month before this so I'm sincerely struggling how to balance everything. To make matters worse she is in the same situation so it's basically blind leading the deaf. I don't feel comfortable asking my parents for advice and I don't really have many friends who are in a relationship/have been in one for a long time.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by LemansE90335xi

Yu got legtrisetee in yer kabin??? yoose must be ritch All I gots is ohl lamps.I do gots runin water tho yessiree I gots to run down to the crik ta fetch it hahaha

Wez done hooked up a bikecycle to a generator wheel and pedals. Stay warm in the winter AND lets yer honee makes some grub.

[Buug959]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Wez done hooked up a bikecycle to a generator wheel and pedals. Stay warm in the winter AND lets yer honee makes some grub.

Yu gots it all figerd out.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I like that idea about the weekends, thank you!


Not too often, but I supplement it with a nap in the afternoon usually. Plus I'm fairly used to stimulants so it's troublesome to go to bed at a reasonable hour


It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, I'd more so I don't know how to compromise. I don't miss being single, and I wouldn't want anyone else to be my girlfriend.

I should learn how to compromise yes but I'll fully admit to being raised as a spoiled kid who fell HARD when he came to college. I started working hard and I realized I still get what I want, just a bit harder now and then. I usually dont hold back from putting in work to get what I want but this isn't a class or a club where I just need to spend hours on hours learning material. This is fairly new territory to me and I know I haven't been handling it terribly well

I've brought this topic up a few times but it really seems I fail to deliver the point across or there's something else.



What's a good way of putting that? She comes along because she likes to spend time with me. I like spending time with her, but I also like spending time with my friends. But on the flip side I'm starting to feel like that created an expectation from her of "I do stuff with your friends why don't you want to hang with mine". I told her about it and all I got was "no what are you talking about"

What's weird to me is, I know it's not a trust issue. I'm not the kind of guy to have hoes while in a relationship, I just like spending time with my friends to geek out over cool cars. Last week I saw 3-4 different Gullwings!


I don't know man, this shit is hard. Never been in a relationship for more than a month before this so I'm sincerely struggling how to balance everything. To make matters worse she is in the same situation so it's basically blind leading the deaf. I don't feel comfortable asking my parents for advice and I don't really have many friends who are in a relationship/have been in one for a long time.

The best way to handle this is to be straight forward. It may hurt her feelings, but this is where you just have to finesse it. Explain to her that you enjoy your time with her, but you don't want to ruin anything by spending all of your time with her. The successful couples that I know understand that they need time apart. Most live their lives like they normally would away from each other, but then make time for one another as well. There's a delicate balance in making this happen. I'm still figuring it out myself. The girlfriend and I basically live separate lives but make time for each other. Relationships are difficult sir, in fact most things in life are. Just communicate, empathize, and be honest. She may be hurt at first, but I have a feeling she will understand. It's times like this that create a stronger bond as long as both parties are on the same page. If you want to talk later, get at me. Hell I may even have the girlfriend offer some advice for you from a woman's perspective if you'd like. I'd be curious to hear what the ladies on here have to say.

[King Rudi]

Originally Posted by Netflix

I see that you are good at psychology. So you have a busy life, what are you talking about a second wife.

Due to my mastery of the human mind, I'm a polygamist. I'm kidding. I've been married and divorced twice, thus the "second wife."

[JP10]

Originally Posted by Turkish Pickle

I like that idea about the weekends, thank you!

Not too often, but I supplement it with a nap in the afternoon usually. Plus I'm fairly used to stimulants so it's troublesome to go to bed at a reasonable hour

It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, I'd more so I don't know how to compromise. I don't miss being single, and I wouldn't want anyone else to be my girlfriend.

I should learn how to compromise yes but I'll fully admit to being raised as a spoiled kid who fell HARD when he came to college. I started working hard and I realized I still get what I want, just a bit harder now and then. I usually dont hold back from putting in work to get what I want but this isn't a class or a club where I just need to spend hours on hours learning material. This is fairly new territory to me and I know I haven't been handling it terribly well

I've brought this topic up a few times but it really seems I fail to deliver the point across or there's something else.

What's a good way of putting that? She comes along because she likes to spend time with me. I like spending time with her, but I also like spending time with my friends. But on the flip side I'm starting to feel like that created an expectation from her of "I do stuff with your friends why don't you want to hang with mine". I told her about it and all I got was "no what are you talking about"

What's weird to me is, I know it's not a trust issue. I'm not the kind of guy to have hoes while in a relationship, I just like spending time with my friends to geek out over cool cars. Last week I saw 3-4 different Gullwings!

I don't know man, this shit is hard. Never been in a relationship for more than a month before this so I'm sincerely struggling how to balance everything. To make matters worse she is in the same situation so it's basically blind leading the deaf. I don't feel comfortable asking my parents for advice and I don't really have many friends who are in a relationship/have been in one for a long time.

It is never going to be an easy conversation to have - especially if you gave her 100% of your attention starting off. My fiance is not overly independent - she sounds similar to your girl in regards to sleep as well as wanting to be part of the group. I'll drag her along (willingly not like I hate her lol) if other guys are bringing their girlfriend/SO. If the guys are not bringing their significant other then I'll basically just tell her to text her friends and try to figure it out lol. Obviously this does not mean I can constantly bail on her to go be with my friends, its a give and take. You make sacrifices to ensure you spend "enough" time together, and you also need time for yourself or you'll go crazy. The "time for yourself" needs to be mutually agreed upon.

It's also not like we have a list of everytime I go out and a set amount of time I can spend with them. Again its understanding your position (meaning the frequency of your escapades), and knowing the proper time to request permission to leave. I say the request more so as a joke, if my position has been stellar, then I more so just tell her what I'm doing. If my position has been weak then I ask her to tell me what I can/should do.

Feels weird typing that all out, but its relatively correct in my situation.

Goodluck lol

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by JP10

The "time for yourself" needs to be mutually agreed upon.

It's also not like we have a list of everytime I go out and a set amount of time I can spend with them. Again its understanding your position (meaning the frequency of your escapades), and knowing the proper time to request permission to leave. I say the request more so as a joke, if my position has been stellar, then I more so just tell her what I'm doing. If my position has been weak then I ask her to tell me what I can/should do.

Feels weird typing that all out, but its relatively correct in my situation.

Goodluck lol

Nicely put. It's all give and take. If you can't talk freely and openly, without fear of mortally offending your partner, your relationship is going to be hard work....and potentially not lasting. Ask me how I know...

Also make sure to ask and listen to her thoughts/feelings, as well as laying out yours.

Best of luck.

[DieselDiner]

Hey Pickle - haven't seen anyone mention this: you said she has class, how much longer before she graduates and starts into a full time job? I ask because her 'spare time' opportunities might be different once she's out of school and working regular hours (if that's the kind of job she'll have), so it's possible this situation might have a 'natural' resolution if that outcome is in your future.

[aliiin]

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

[MKSixer]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

It can't be explained. I will tell you this: I know how much my parents love me because I know how much I love my daughter. My brother and sister have a sense of this but as they don't have kids, they don't know.

When you have kids it gives you clarity on so much of your own life. This is the case in both positive and negative things. It's all part of the same tapestry.

[Joekerr]

Originally Posted by MKSixer

It can't be explained. I will tell you this: I know how much my parents love me because I know how much I love my daughter. My brother and sister have a sense of this but as they don't have kids, they don't know.

When you have kids it gives you clarity on so much of your own life. This is the case in both positive and negative things. It's all part of the same tapestry.

This. Very much this.

But also not a reason to have kids either... just a good explanation of what being a parent does.

[rebekahb]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

You're not crazy. Kids aren't for everyone. It's ok not to have them. It's better to know that it's not something you want vs compromising and being miserable. This may change and it may not.

[4Hockey4]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

Maybe, everyone is different. I can tell you having kids changed my view on life, mostly for the better.

There are exceptions and circumstances, but most folks that have kids would never change it. If its about time and money, don't have them, everything else is a positive...family.

I simply didn't know what I didn't know, or how it would change me....as I move on into 50's, I cant imagine not having them...it was way easier to imagine that at 30.

[rebekahb]

@Turkish Pickle

7 months is still new. Communication is key and something you want to get right while the relationship is young. I would definitely talk to her but make sure that you talk to/with her and not at her (I hope this makes sense). I think time apart is a good thing. We all need it. However you decide to tell her, after you say it ask her how it makes her feel. Also, watch her body language to see how she physically reacts (pulls away, shifts around, etc). It's always good to ask questions back and make sure the person understands what you're saying. Sometimes, we think what we are saying is good but the other person doesn't hear it that way or interprets it differently. Asking questions helps create a dialogue to make sure you're on the same page & clears up anything that could have been taken out of context.

I'm not sure who is introverted/extroverted or if y'all are the same but understanding what fuels or wears on these personality types can be helpful. Ex. I'm very introverted. People don't think this but I have to be extroverted for work so when I get home I'm done. My husband is extremely extroverted. He would talk to sheet rock if it talked back. People recharge him. We would be at a party for a few hours & I would be ready to go. He would take forever so by the time we got in the car I was spent and just done. He would say we had such a nice time, what's the problem. It took some work but he now understands that I just need some me time. It's nothing against him and he doesn't take it personal anymore.

I don't know if this helps any but good luck and keep us posted.

[Tambohamilton]

Originally Posted by aliiin

I feel like most people want kids, am I wrong that I don't want any? In short, I've never had the desire and I don't think it'll be rewarding for me. It's too much uncertainty, chaos, stress, time, and money. My friends tell me I will find "the one that will change my mind," but I'm 32 and I still have no desire.

It's a deal breaker for me, I swipe left if you want kids.

I just want to find a long term companion/life partner to share life with. I wouldn't mind pets either.

Someone tell me I'm not crazy?

If you don't want kids, definitely don't have them! It's something you must be certain about, because there is no undo.

On the other hand, it may never feel like 'the right time' (financially, logistically, etc) to have kids, but sometimes you've just got to start.

My best friend and his wife have decided not to have kids. He thinks he wouldn't be a good dad (he'd be awesome), and likes his time/space/toys. She's a bit of a stress-head, and may have trouble dealing with the chaos and things that go awry each day with kids. But that's all irrelevant really; you don't need to have a reason not to have kids.

[Lady Jane]

Not planning on getting married and/or having kids. I just have too many things I want to accomplish; one of them being to further my education, get my DNP/PhD. and open my own clinic.