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      04-11-2019, 07:37 AM   #1
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Need Some Advice about Refi/Ex wife

I am trying to wrap my head around this situation I am in.

I got a divorce and part of the divorce was we sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50 or she would cash me out and the home is 100% hers.

She got into some trouble with the house and the payment was going to go up a lot because of forced escrow. So we did a refi to get out of the forced escrow situation and get the monthly payment back down to a manageable payment. We decided that we would pay off some bills as well with the refi that some that we had together and some that we didn’t.

Now the tricky part. She is trying to cash me out so she can be 100% owner. She feels that I should have to pay her back my portion of the previous refi since this next refi will be her loan. I am telling her no way because I am getting less money from her for the cash out that she is trying to do now.

Thoughts and questions please!!!
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      04-11-2019, 07:45 AM   #2
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So here are the numbers.

House value at last refi was $320g

We owed $160g

Total equity in the home $160g

If we sold the home and split the proceeds at that price we both would have got $80g

Say the house get appraised at $320 again for this next cash me out refi

We owe $190g

Total equity in home is $130 now

My cash out would be $65g because I get have of the equity in the home.

If we never did the first refi we both would have $80g but since we did we both get $65g

She feels like I owe her 15g but I am telling her I am getting 15g less for my cash out so it’s a wash.
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      04-11-2019, 07:46 AM   #3
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Sorry for the long post but I am really trying to figure out if I am being unfair or if what I am telling her is correct.
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      04-11-2019, 07:47 AM   #4
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1) If you did the refi subsequent to the divorce decree agreed upon by the court, then you open up a whole new can of worms because the two of you violated the terms of the court order. Technically, a total jerk of a judge can actually hold you both in contempt. Regardless, if it was done after the divorce was final, then you have no legal standing because it wasn't part of the divorce decree.

2) Unless we are talking a huge sum of money here, the whole point of a divorce is to remove each other from your lives. Divorces cost money and there is rarely a winner in the whole thing. My recommendation is to simply accept whatever terms she is wanting, assuming that it isn't a massive sum of money you will lose, and just move on chalking the loss up to a learning experience.

FWIW, any further financial dealings with the ex must have proper legal documentation and signatures of both parties to prevent additional protracted battles that it looks like you are currently on the precipice of.

Good luck - just my two cents.
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      04-11-2019, 07:49 AM   #5
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After reading your additional comments - it looks like the fair and equitable solution is for you to walk away with the $65K - but none of that really matters because it is all just circumspect values and estimates.

Sell the house, split the proceeds - whatever they may be, and move on.
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      04-11-2019, 07:51 AM   #6
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My two cents, offer to buy her out for what she wants to buy you out for. That might stop the debate on the value of the house. Then sell the house and split the proceeds. I had a simliar situation when my ex and I split 15 years ago. She wanted to keep the house and got it appraised way under market value by her friend who was a real estate agent. I did my own analysis, my numbers said she was trying to screw me out of about $100K, so I offered her her number, and moved back into the basement, ( it was messy ). but the house then went up for sale and we got exactly what my estimated value of the house was.

You need to get this off your plate and deal with any other debts and assets and then put it all behind you. Good Luck
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      04-11-2019, 07:56 AM   #7
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The only thing left is the house and I agree we should just sell the house and go our separate ways.

The house is 50/50 owner ship so if she try’s to make my financial situation worse I will be forced to move back into the house.

Like I said she feels I owe her the 15g from the last refi because if she is ever able to cash me out that she would be paying off the current loan with the refi that we did. I am dying no because I am getting less from the cash out because of the last refi.

If that makes sense? It’s is a complete shit show right now.

I totally agree the home should just be sold.
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      04-11-2019, 07:59 AM   #8
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I'm not sure how much money you're talking about, or whose bills got paid with the refi $. Or how you are going about cashing out. Is it based on her paying you half of the "value" of the house?

I will give you the best advise I DIDN'T take but wish I did. Put your emotions to the side and deal with it like a business decision. It's really hard to do when you are in the moment.

If it's not a lot of money, just be done with it and move on. It's going to cost you money with lawyers to fight it out and is an emotional drain. Cut the ties and go on with your life. Just make sure when all is said and done you are off the mortgage.

Good luck!
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      04-11-2019, 08:00 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obert View Post
The only thing left is the house and I agree we should just sell the house and go our separate ways.

The house is 50/50 owner ship so if she try’s to make my financial situation worse I will be forced to move back into the house.
Having been through this a few times, I've learned a couple of things. This should be a business decision but it isn't because one person is always way more emotionally invested in it. So reason and logic doesn't always work. Even if one of you ends up with the house there will be resentment on the other side. Someone always feels like they are getting the sort end of the stick. Even if you need to take a small loss to get away from the bad debt it might be worth it. Tear the bandaid off.
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      04-11-2019, 08:04 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cmyx6go View Post
I'm not sure how much money you're talking about, or whose bills got paid with the refi $. Or how you are going about cashing out. Is it based on her paying you half of the "value" of the house?

I will give you the best advise I DIDN'T take but wish I did. Put your emotions to the side and deal with it like a business decision. It's really hard to do when you are in the moment.

If it's not a lot of money, just be done with it and move on. It's going to cost you money with lawyers to fight it out and is an emotional drain. Cut the ties and go on with your life. Just make sure when all is said and done you are off the mortgage.

Good luck!
This. You are talking about a $15k delta. You'll piss that all away fighting it. Take the $65k and be happy to be free of her.
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      04-11-2019, 08:06 AM   #11
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I'm still recovering from the idea a house can be worth 350K. Blimey.
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      04-11-2019, 08:08 AM   #12
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I totally agree about dealing with this like a business transaction. She is the one that is emotionally tied to the house and doesn’t want to just sell it. Me I want to sell and take our shares and move on.

Thanks for the advice!
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      04-11-2019, 08:09 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
I'm still recovering from the idea a house can be worth 350K. Blimey.
I bought the house for $153g back when the market crashed. Now it’s worth 320-350g.
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      04-11-2019, 08:13 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
I'm still recovering from the idea a house can be worth 350K. Blimey.
You're in Toronto though so your view is somewhat skewed. I bought a rental property in St. Catherines last year for $300K, there is still affordable housing outside the GTA.
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      04-11-2019, 08:22 AM   #15
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She is the one that feels like she lost 15g doing the last refi. I feel like we both paid off our bills and got the home payment back down to a manageable payment for her.

We both have done some deals outside of what the divorce paperwork says. It seems to be getting messier the longer this house situation is going on. She has a new man and he is living there with his kid so he is filling her head with drama as well.

But the home is still 50/50 owners ship so if she makes the situation any messier I will be forced to move back into the house with them. If that happens then it will be even worse and all she needs to do to solve this problem is sell.
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      04-11-2019, 08:43 AM   #16
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Any kids between you both?
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      04-11-2019, 08:53 AM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
Any kids between you both?
Yes 1.

That is a whole other issue that could really come back and bite me in my ass

Right now everything is 50/50 when I comes to paying for what our kid needs.

But that isn’t how the court would see it if she wanted to be a bitch. This is why I am saying if she does then I will be forced to move back into the house and of course she sees it as her house and not mine so that would be a huge battle to fight.

It’s been almost 4 years since the divorce was final. I treated the divorce like a mutual break up and so did she at the time but legally/financially I could lose big time.

This situation has been stressing me big time for almost 4 years and it’s getting worse
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      04-11-2019, 08:56 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obert View Post
I totally agree about dealing with this like a business transaction. She is the one that is emotionally tied to the house and doesn’t want to just sell it. Me I want to sell and take our shares and move on.

Thanks for the advice!
If you get an appraisal and she buys it for that amount, you get half of the proceeds after closing costs and paying off the existing debt. This transaction does not need a realtor so no commissions. That savings is maybe enough to help her understand that a straight split is fair.

In the state where I live, and the one previous, there is no such thing as her bills and my bills (even if they were individual accounts), or her assets and my assets. Everything is joint and the going in assumption is a 50/50 split in divorce. Your state might have different rules, but it might be worth reminding her that you (collectively) used the refi to pay off your (collective) debts, there is no mine and yours in that (at least in my state).

I did what others have suggested in my divorce. We had one house to sell (had just relocated) and we split proceeds right down the middle (sold months after the divorce was final). On the new house, I didn’t want it but she was moving out of the area so I initially told her she got the house and I would get other assets (liquid). At the last minute, when she realized it would be an albatross to try to sell after she had left the area, I agreed to take it but at a value about 10% below what we had just purchased it for (I mean weeks before she told me she was moving on).

I get the emotions and moving on stuff, but bad deals linger with me so I’m all for pushing hard to get the best deal. Of course if your divorce is friendly (mine was not), you might be more accommodating.
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      04-11-2019, 08:56 AM   #19
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Oh man, if I am reading between the lines then you would owe her support if she pushed for it.

In which case, don't fret the 15Km just GTFO and live your life.

Sad truth is, you can't really live your life, once kids are in the picture you are forever tied to the other person.
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      04-11-2019, 09:01 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by obert View Post
It’s been almost 4 years since the divorce was final. I treated the divorce like a mutual break up and so did she at the time but legally/financially I could lose big time.

This situation has been stressing me big time for almost 4 years and it’s getting worse
Four Years?

I’d be really pissed this hasn’t been settled already (should have been within weeks of the divorce being finalized). Settle it somehow and end the stress - I would be a fighter and lawyer up, but for the sake of your relationship with the child you might not choose that path.
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      04-11-2019, 09:15 AM   #21
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take the 15K L and with the 65k go Buy a new wife with huge tits and a fat ass.. YOLO!!!!
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      04-11-2019, 09:16 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti View Post
I'm still recovering from the idea a house can be worth 350K. Blimey.
I was thinking the same thing. I haven't seen a house for sale in Seattle in the $300s for 5 years! You're lucky to find one in the $500s and even then they get bid up $100k past that by the time they close. OP must have a townhouse, or, his signature says "Seattle" but he's waaaaay out of town in the outlying areas.
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