05-22-2022, 07:35 PM | #441 |
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√69 = 8 something
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05-22-2022, 08:31 PM | #442 |
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When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser |
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05-23-2022, 02:33 AM | #443 |
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When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.When I was in India last summer I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.
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05-23-2022, 02:38 AM | #444 |
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A few decades ago we had Johnny Cash,Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die!
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05-23-2022, 06:47 AM | #445 |
Cailín gan eagla.
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When someone offers you to wash your back in the shower, all you have to say is YES or NO.
Not that " Who are you?" and "How did you get in?" nonsense. |
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05-23-2022, 09:33 AM | #446 |
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I'd love to grow my own food, but I haven't been able to find any bacon seeds.
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When writing your life's plan, use a pencil with an eraser |
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05-23-2022, 01:44 PM | #448 |
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I asked my wife to let me know next time she has an orgasm.
She said she doesn’t like to bother me when I’m at work. |
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05-23-2022, 01:46 PM | #449 |
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Little boy at the zoo with mum asks what that dangly thing on the elephant is
It's the trunk No, further back The tail. No, not that - in the middle, underneath Mum (very pink now) It's nothing! A few weeks later he's back with his dad this time. Dad, what's that dangly thing on the elephant? The trunk No, further back The tail No, not that, the thing underneath in the middle - when I came with Mum she said it was nothing Aah - your mother's been spoilt, son |
05-23-2022, 01:47 PM | #450 |
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I was on a train with my wife when a man across the aisle repeatedly broke wind extremely loudly.
"How dare you fart before my wife!?" I said. "Sorry, didn't know it was her turn..." |
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05-23-2022, 01:48 PM | #451 |
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Husband - right love, get your coat on, I’m going down to the pub.
Wife - ooh, that’s nice love, you haven’t taken me out in ages. Husband - oh, you’re not coming with me, I’m just turning the heating off. |
05-23-2022, 03:43 PM | #452 |
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Drives: '18 x1/'13 X3/'06 330i
Join Date: Mar 2009
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What's the difference between a asskisser and a brown noser?
Depth perception
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05-24-2022, 01:23 AM | #453 |
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If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck…..it needs a while longer in the oven
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05-24-2022, 10:19 AM | #454 | |
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Quote:
Coffee, tea or me.
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05-24-2022, 11:12 AM | #455 |
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Sometimes physics can be a real bummer.
I was thinking about gravity yesterday and it really brought me down.
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05-24-2022, 01:52 PM | #456 |
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We've all heard the adage about killing two birds with one stone, right?
Well, dinosaurs were the prehistoric ancestors of birds. Thus, the asteroid that hit the Earth and killed the dinosaurs was the highest amount of birds killed by one stone, ever. All time record!
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05-25-2022, 08:42 AM | #458 |
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How to win the war on drugs:
!) Legalize all drugs 2) Make them have to go through Comcast customer service to get them |
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05-27-2022, 04:20 PM | #459 |
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Guest in a restaurant asks the waiter if the duck on the menu was wild.
Not sure about wild, but it wasn’t very happy replied the waiter
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05-28-2022, 01:24 AM | #461 |
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It's not really drinking alone...
…if the cat is home. Cheers!
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