04-22-2024, 11:19 AM | #7943 |
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Or when you wake up in the morning and see you still have a half hour to snooze before the alarm, but...you have to pee.
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04-22-2024, 12:57 PM | #7944 |
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...or when you're taking massive quantities of diuretics (aka: vitamin pee), and don't even make it back to the bed before you have to turn around for another drivers' lounge visit.....
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04-22-2024, 01:10 PM | #7945 | |
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I don't wake up to no stinkin' alarm.
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04-22-2024, 09:18 PM | #7947 |
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You can’t: drive 3 hours with 7000’ elevation change without the ortho sending you to ER to check for blood clot
Negative, but wife says this is a soccer career ending injury
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04-22-2024, 09:25 PM | #7948 |
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Low dose aspirin time?
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04-22-2024, 09:49 PM | #7949 |
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Years ago my doctor prescribed a low-dose aspirin regimen. Had to stop taking it. Made me bleed from my stomach and cough up blood.
Took weeks to find out why I was bleeding. Then someone asked are you taking aspirin? I said yes. They said stop. So I stopped. And the bleeding stopped.
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04-22-2024, 10:10 PM | #7950 | |
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04-22-2024, 10:28 PM | #7951 | |
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Switched medical groups and lost my cardiologist. You reminded me it’s time to find a new one. I’m seeing my PCP this Friday and going to ask for a referral.
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04-23-2024, 04:08 AM | #7952 |
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Condolences from the thread's resident amateur race car driver who was forced into medical retirement eight years ago.....
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04-23-2024, 06:17 AM | #7953 |
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Floor
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04-23-2024, 07:40 AM | #7954 |
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04-23-2024, 08:46 AM | #7955 |
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Because we are old and decrepit, I would guess.
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04-23-2024, 12:43 PM | #7956 |
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Amen!!!
I was at a distant Tractor Supply store a few weeks ago, and saw an E-track hand strap loop that clipped into the cargo restraints in the almost-Mighty Freightliner. I threw it into our cart without even looking at the price. My DW asked me why I wanted it, and I answered "Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!" For the record, I already used it more than once this past weekend.....
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04-23-2024, 03:34 PM | #7957 | |
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da fuq??? I guess it’s back to the weights in the gym. They usually have some 2.5lb barbells
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04-24-2024, 12:46 PM | #7958 |
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Posting here so there's no "who's he?"..."what's a carburetor?"
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE 1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. 7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake." 8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. 9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!". 10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. 11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'. 12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. 13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!". |
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04-24-2024, 02:27 PM | #7960 | |
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Another one of his: "There are three signs of old age: loss of memory...I forget the other two."
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04-24-2024, 05:32 PM | #7961 |
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Used to watch his TV show every week. A comic genius. Always ended his show with his signature closing line; "good night and may God bless."
“The Red Skelton Show is an American television comedy/variety show that aired from 1951 to 1971. In the decade prior to hosting the show, Richard "Red" Skelton had a successful career as a radio and motion pictures star. Although his television series is largely associated with CBS, where it appeared for more than sixteen years, it actually began and ended on NBC. During its run, the program received three Emmy Awards, for Skelton as best comedian and the program as best comedy show during its initial season, and an award for comedy writing in 1961. In 1959 Skelton also received a Golden Globe for Best TV Show.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Red_Skelton_Show
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04-25-2024, 10:48 AM | #7962 |
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04-25-2024, 01:57 PM | #7963 |
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^^^^^^ Laughed too hard! ^^^^^^
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04-25-2024, 02:29 PM | #7964 |
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So true. I actually make a plan to get up when I'm doing anything that requires getting down on the ground (gardening, fixing sprinklers, etc). This even goes for getting out of the bathtub in the rare event that I take a bath to soak these tired bones. My plan usually involves rolling over onto my hands and knees and putting hands on something to help me get up. I also keep my cell phone with me just in case. So far so good.
Side note: I still snow ski but I've toned down the aggressive skiiing to avoid falling. So, my plan for falling is to not fall! I hadn't fallen in years until last week. I was skiing with my grandkids and caught them stopped on the side out of the corner of my eye so I braked hard to a stop to see if she needed help. I stopped so fast I lost my balance and fell backwards and sat in the snow with my skis still attached. My grandkids laughed their butts off that I finally fell. I told them I just sat down to take a break but they weren't buying it! It took every ounce of energy to use my poles and stand back up. I wasn't about to take my skis off and give them more ammunition for teasing me. Last edited by sygazelle; 04-25-2024 at 02:56 PM.. |
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