[Aatish]

In all seriousness, have your tried calling your mom/dad, really close family member ?

Might sound like a soft move, but they probably know you better than anyone.

You don't necessarily have to talk about...it...just call and see what's up.

[bimmette]

Originally Posted by Aatish

In all seriousness, have your tried calling your mom/dad, really close family member ?

Might sound like a soft move, but they probably know you better than anyone.

You don't necessarily have to talk about...it...just call and see what's up.

I don't know, I think most people don't want to talk about their relationships with their parents.

OP, make sure you change her contact name in your phone to WHORE!-DON'T CONTACT! so you pause before texting or calling her. Because I know you want to.

[Aatish]

Originally Posted by bimmette

I don't know, I think most people don't want to talk about their relationships with their parents.

OP, make sure you change her contact name in your phone to WHORE!-DON'T CONTACT! so you pause before texting or calling her. Because I know you want to.

I mean, I wouldn't want to talk about relationships with my mom either...

But, when I have really bad days, a quick chat with my mom/dad about some random subject usually makes me feel a bit better.

[Aatish]

Obviously you shouldn't talk with someone who you're on bad terms with.

But the way I'm seeing it, Mr. Smoosh used her, the human bowling alley, as a form of comfort. Something he could go to for escape, freshening up, a distraction from life.

It's kinda like cigarettes. People use them for comfort, even tho they are bad for them. When it comes to quitting, withdrawal and temptation come into the picture. One way to kick the habit is to do something to distract the withdrawal symptoms; like chewing gum or eating snacks...

Now, he knows she's bad for him, but he so used to going to her for all that stuff. Trying to quit turning to her is really hard, and he'll experience withdrawal symptoms. One way to "kick the habit" is to appease the withdrawal symptom with something similar, but not harmful; calling someone close and asking what's up.

[Taskmaster]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

.

Who the fuck are you?

[MadDog]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Thank you all! I am going to keep coming back to this thread every time I start to feel like I'm missing her.

And when I do, I'd like to see this little list of everything f'ed up that she did:

1. Cheated on me for 2 months of a 4 month, at the time, relationship
2. Has talked to about 7 different guys every time we've gotten into an argument
3. Has talked badly about me to a couple of her closest friends
4. Never once wore a $300 pair of shoes I got her for her birthday out with me, but wore them out when she cheated on me
5. Expects me to sit around by my phone all fucking day and text her
6. Holds me back by not letting me complete the work I need to complete
7. Actually had the audacity to tell me, "I really wanted him to stay and spend the night, but he didn't want to" when I confronted her about cheating on me and sleeping with a dude
8. I constantly, non-stop have to wonder who else she might be talking to, making out with, f'ing. The thoughts never went away, no matter what I did. And I would have to go to a point where I wanted to verify every single thing she said, cause I never believed her

And best of all...

9. Every time she's talked to other guys and I found out, I confront her. She begs and pleads and feels devastated. But I've always stuck by her side. I've always respected her. I never once truly felt mad at her, because I just loved her so damn much, and I wanted to be with this woman. And now, a couple of days after our break up? Developed this hatred for me, as if I'd done nothing for her, ever. I'd never been there for her before. She doesn't even know me anymore, and she's out dating around and having a blast.

I've cut her off from social media, phone, everything. Will never text/call her again.

Thank you again, all [keep the responses coming, please!]

Bro, she was laughing at you behind your back, and she's still laughing. Betcha you paid for everything. Forget the bitch. You can do better.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by Aatish

In all seriousness, have your tried calling your mom/dad, really close family member ?

Might sound like a soft move, but they probably know you better than anyone.

You don't necessarily have to talk about...it...just call and see what's up.

yeah, I talked to my brother about it in-depth and he offered great advice. that guy has his head on his shoulders, and can give the best advice. but he's busy with a new job, so I try not to bother him too much. I told him about her when I wanted to break up about a year ago...everything he said then, held true over the next year. everything.

Originally Posted by bimmette

I don't know, I think most people don't want to talk about their relationships with their parents.

OP, make sure you change her contact name in your phone to WHORE!-DON'T CONTACT! so you pause before texting or calling her. Because I know you want to.

I just completely deleted her number. no contact at all.

this may sound stupid, but I inadvertently ordered a new phone just last week, which should be here tomorrow. it'll be nice to change things up, so I don't "feel" the same when I'm using my phone, knowing I used to text/call her so much.

Originally Posted by Aatish

Obviously you shouldn't talk with someone who you're on bad terms with.

But the way I'm seeing it, Mr. Smoosh used her, the human bowling alley, as a form of comfort. Something he could go to for escape, freshening up, a distraction from life.

It's kinda like cigarettes. People use them for comfort, even tho they are bad for them. When it comes to quitting, withdrawal and temptation come into the picture. One way to kick the habit is to do something to distract the withdrawal symptoms; like chewing gum or eating snacks...

Now, he knows she's bad for him, but he so used to going to her for all that stuff. Trying to quit turning to her is really hard, and he'll experience withdrawal symptoms. One way to "kick the habit" is to appease the withdrawal symptom with something similar, but not harmful; calling someone close and asking what's up.

I did contact a lot of old, long lost friends. that was really nice. I think one of my buddies is coming down to DC soon to spend the weekend with me.

I feel so ashamed and embarrassed to admit and I can't get over this girl...she used me, ran away from every little problem that arose, disrespected me tremendously...and here I am, wondering what she's doing, and can't stop thinking about her.

I am doing much better than the last two days though, thank you everyone. I can't even began to express how thankful I am that I posted here

[smoosh]

This is what I see my issue is on why I can't just get over her: I feel like I got too emotionally dependent on her. she put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half, and I just went along with the ride. in a way, it almost brought us closer together. I hate to admit it, but I started to drift away from my friends and family, and just got immersed into her life. Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult. while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does, as stupid as that sounds. again, I feel ashamed to admit it, and I'm trying to keep as much humility about it as I can. I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that. I became completely blinded by love, and failed to see what was going on objectively. she could give a rats ass about comfort factor, because she'll just hop into bed with another dude, and she has a huge family and friend circle. I don't. I'm an introvert and I keep to myself. I'm only in contact with my mom and brother, and that's all for family. It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there. I have had the worst nightmares, and I can't even remember the last time I used to have a nightmare.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling this to anyone, and asking for advice. people typically see me as the guy who has his shit in check...everything except girls.

I know I will be a better person because of this, and I really am thankful for everyone on here for your guidance. I hope one day I can look back and laugh at this and wonder what the hell I was thinking, before giving advice to others in my situation at the moment.

[UglyBuzzard]

Originally Posted by smoosh

This is what I see my issue is on why I can't just get over her: I feel like I got too emotionally dependent on her. she put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half, and I just went along with the ride. in a way, it almost brought us closer together. I hate to admit it, but I started to drift away from my friends and family, and just got immersed into her life. Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult. while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does, as stupid as that sounds. again, I feel ashamed to admit it, and I'm trying to keep as much humility about it as I can. I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that. I became completely blinded by love, and failed to see what was going on objectively. she could give a rats ass about comfort factor, because she'll just hop into bed with another dude, and she has a huge family and friend circle. I don't. I'm an introvert and I keep to myself. I'm only in contact with my mom and brother, and that's all for family. It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there. I have had the worst nightmares, and I can't even remember the last time I used to have a nightmare.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling this to anyone, and asking for advice. people typically see me as the guy who has his shit in check...everything except girls.

I know I will be a better person because of this, and I really am thankful for everyone on here for your guidance. I hope one day I can look back and laugh at this and wonder what the hell I was thinking, before giving advice to others in my situation at the moment.

Man up and just move the fuck on. She is no good!

[C5driver]

Originally Posted by smoosh

This is what I see my issue is on why I can't just get over her: I feel like I got too emotionally dependent on her. she put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half, and I just went along with the ride. in a way, it almost brought us closer together. I hate to admit it, but I started to drift away from my friends and family, and just got immersed into her life. Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult. while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does, as stupid as that sounds. again, I feel ashamed to admit it, and I'm trying to keep as much humility about it as I can. I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that. I became completely blinded by love, and failed to see what was going on objectively. she could give a rats ass about comfort factor, because she'll just hop into bed with another dude, and she has a huge family and friend circle. I don't. I'm an introvert and I keep to myself. I'm only in contact with my mom and brother, and that's all for family. It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there. I have had the worst nightmares, and I can't even remember the last time I used to have a nightmare.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling this to anyone, and asking for advice. people typically see me as the guy who has his shit in check...everything except girls.

I know I will be a better person because of this, and I really am thankful for everyone on here for your guidance. I hope one day I can look back and laugh at this and wonder what the hell I was thinking, before giving advice to others in my situation at the moment.

Do you miss her? Hey, how old are you?

[Sidewinderpb]

Originally Posted by Axius

What's wrong with Namaste?

Goosfraba.

Originally Posted by UglyBuzzard

Man up and just move the fuck on. She is no good!

^This

Are you a grown man or an emo kid? Don't let anyone shit on you, ever (bar OT). For Christ's sake, sack up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're worth something. Frankly, you should've ended it a long time ago. If necessary, hire a shrink to discuss your self-worth issues.

[jtodd_fl]

Ok, a little reality check. The feelings are all real, but they appear, with what limited information we have, to be based on a highly romanticized version of the fact. Your feelings are still clouding your judgment about what has been going on.

Originally Posted by smoosh

Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult.

Not so much. It really sounds like every thing you were doing was about her, not both of you. I get it, easy to go with what feels good at the time - filling one need and ignoring another. It's why we have fat people and abused people and all kinds of unhealthy shit. What you have described is unhealthy. Sounds like she took and you gave. That was never about both of you.

I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that.

That wasn't love - at least not the part you describe. You seem like a nice guy. I don't blame her exclusively 100%. Yeah, for her actions I do - she sounds like 1 notch below a dumpster fire and needs to choke on the bags of dicks she seems to keep handy. However, you were not honest with her either. If you had been, you guys would have moved on before there was nothing left of you. You need to rebuild. As I said - that wasn't love. Love makes both parties better, stronger, happier, etc. It was an exchange of needed stuff. She needed to feel wanted (a LOT, apparently - get it?) and you needed to feel supported, like someone was there for you. Which brings us to...

It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there.

Nope. Wasn't there for you. Was there for her. She may have helped with things and been present and given you some of what you needed, but she wasn't there for you. This seems to be what you come back to and is the thing you valued most. You need to realize that it never was what you thought it was. She used the cheating as power and "being there" was what she faked to keep you around for what she needed - something steady, something safe. I would bet money that the countless penises she rode like a hobby horse were not much like you personality-wise; more the "bad boy", "just physical" type. The extrovert. I could be wrong, but I'll bet I am not.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed.

As I said before. Don't. It's a waste. Agree to hold yourself accountable for what you do next. Lamenting the past is a fools game and a massive waste of energy. Focus on what's next and don't let yourself fail again.

Also, as others have said, it's time man up now. Don't kid yourself about what you really had and didn't have. The way to deal with this is being as open and honest with yourself as possible. Take responsibility for the mistakes and fix them, but try not to wallow in it. Use it to move forward, not to hold you back. And remember, she is poison to you. Maybe pretty poison. Maybe comforting poison. But you need to cut that shit our of your life. Let whatever dude (or massive parade of dudes) she is with now have her. You'll both be better off.

Dr. Phil out.

[Arcades]

Originally Posted by Sidewinderpb

Goosfraba.



^This

Are you a grown man or an emo kid? Don't let anyone shit on you, ever (bar OT). For Christ's sake, sack up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're worth something. Frankly, you should've ended it a long time ago. If necessary, hire a shrink to discuss your self-worth issues.

Er.

As someone who has gone through severe depression, telling someone going through something hard to "man up" is the worst advice you can give them. You don't know their mindset well enough to tell them such an advice, you will do more harm than good.

The best thing you can do is offer advice when he asks of it. He is smart enough already posting the messed up shit she has done to him and more or less is dead set of moving on with his life. Which is a great thing most people won't have the strength to do.

Toxic relationships are named like that because people who are in such a state have trouble with their mentality to break away. OP is clearly doing everything he can already to step away from this. That is something I applaud because this shit is hard to do.

I mean getting an new phone? Bravo.

[NEFARIOUS]

Originally Posted by smoosh

This is what I see my issue is on why I can't just get over her: I feel like I got too emotionally dependent on her. she put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half, and I just went along with the ride. in a way, it almost brought us closer together. I hate to admit it, but I started to drift away from my friends and family, and just got immersed into her life. Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult. while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does, as stupid as that sounds. again, I feel ashamed to admit it, and I'm trying to keep as much humility about it as I can. I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that. I became completely blinded by love, and failed to see what was going on objectively. she could give a rats ass about comfort factor, because she'll just hop into bed with another dude, and she has a huge family and friend circle. I don't. I'm an introvert and I keep to myself. I'm only in contact with my mom and brother, and that's all for family. It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there. I have had the worst nightmares, and I can't even remember the last time I used to have a nightmare.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling this to anyone, and asking for advice. people typically see me as the guy who has his shit in check...everything except girls.

I know I will be a better person because of this, and I really am thankful for everyone on here for your guidance. I hope one day I can look back and laugh at this and wonder what the hell I was thinking, before giving advice to others in my situation at the moment.

OK this is where I'm going to have to ramp it up a bit. Seriously, this sounds like you're traumatically bonded to the person. Guess what? Cheating is a form of abuse. Abuse of trust, abuse of the relationship, what have you.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

Know why I'm saying this? I can relate to a lot of things that you're saying right now, and many of the things you're saying right now reminded me of myself as short as 6 months ago: I don't have much family I can contact either (Cluster B mom, dad passed away, and I only have 2nd cousins, step-cousins, my understanding GF and her mom that quintessentially took me in as her own), I'm an introvert IRL myself, and I've made shitty decisions out of loneliness, or dare I say love for the person... Just to either find out the other person doesn't have much feelings for me or does not invest in the relationship as much as I did.

Much to the chagrin of some people in OT, I've spilled my guts to more people in OT than people I know IRL, but that's only because most of my friends just know how to pat my on the back and say "that sucks man" and tend to be fairly like-minded or want to let me down easy, but here is where I feel that people you barely know can tell it like it is, plus their thoughts and backgrounds are more diverse.

Anyway, going back to traumatic bonding... I'm not saying that's how your family life is, but my mom was textbook Cluster B, she was an expert at push-pull and drew me closer until there's no excuse, justification or alibi that could explain the fucked up situation I had to endure, until I have to choose between what's right for me to her chagrin, or what's right for her and have my life collapse. Unfortunately, I've met a so-called friend that had similar traits, and the average person would throw up a red flag within the hour, but traumatically bonded people are simply programmed to be oblivious... Which knowing that bunghole contributed to the collapse of my quality of life in 2014 when "an hour here and a few minutes there" detracted me enough from making a bigger effort to improve my situation.

So when you say "while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does", she has effectively pulled a mind trick that made you comfortable about her adultery and drew you in with the comfort, when a person who isn't susceptible to traumatic bonding will break it off IMMEDIATELY after finding out that another man has fucked his girl.

I'm not sure how many times it has been said in this thread already, but I'll say it again: Don't do for others, what they aren't willing to do for you. If you've made a promise to her, to everybody (including your own morals and character) that you won't stray for another person and they can't even uphold that end of the bargain for you, you don't need that person in your life.

You are also the product of your environment; getting rid of toxic people will be the best thing you've ever done. After I've kept my mom at bay in another country and also cut all ties with that thing (I can't even think of that former friend as a person), my life has improved TENFOLD: I went from being the most rock-bottom I've ever been to making much higher amounts of money (although sadly most of it is going for catching up with high-priority bills, but in 4 months I'll be debt-free, and 2 months from that I'll be able to pay back friends and GoFundMe contributors); I went from living in a squalor with 1 of 4 mattresses on the floor of a living room to my own 2-bed apartment; went from wondering if I'll ever find love in my miserable life to being with my GF I plan to propose to and have kids with in about 5 months (the date we first met), and even upgrading to an F10 5-Series in about 6 months (sorry E90).

[NEFARIOUS]

Originally Posted by Arcades

Er.

As someone who has gone through severe depression, telling someone going through something hard to "man up" is the worst advice you can give them. You don't know their mindset well enough to tell them such an advice, you will do more harm than good.

The best thing you can do is offer advice when he asks of it. He is smart enough already posting the messed up shit she has done to him and more or less is dead set of moving on with his life. Which is a great thing most people won't have the strength to do.

Toxic relationships are named like that because people who are in such a state have trouble with their mentality to break away. OP is clearly doing everything he can already to step away from this. That is something I applaud because this shit is hard to do.

I mean getting an new phone? Bravo.

THIS... It's almost as bad as "figure it out".

I've gone through some deep shit where I don't foresee how the hell I'm going to get out of it... It's like being thrown into a pit where you can't see outside, but yet people think that it's an obvious solution when it's not. Going to the toxic friend example: I could tell him to fuck off, but he'll call me the next week to try to apologize. I can change numbers, but he knows where I live and knock on my door. I can move, but I [didn't] have the money, so my best idea was to tolerate him until I can do all the above...

But "man up" just only makes the person feel like the only other option is to kill the other man in his case, or brave homelessness in my case, and "figure it out" doesn't contribute to the cause since we've already thought of and perhaps even tried every resolution we can think of and are still in the same boat... It took one of my friend's affluent friends actually letting me borrow the $1K I needed to get the fuck out of where I lived to be able to break free.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by bimmette

I don't know, I think most people don't want to talk about their relationships with their parents.

OP, make sure you change her contact name in your phone to WHORE!-DON'T CONTACT! so you pause before texting or calling her. Because I know you want to.

Lots of win here.
"Mom, the girl I was banging is playing hide the weenie with another dude (several actually), so like, I don't want to get hurt but I need that pussy - you know what I'm saying, right Mom?" Heh.

Also, I love the idea of renaming someone "whore" in your contact list. Thanks fully, the last time I broke up with someone was pre-commercialized cell phone so... Yeah. No text problems, so blowing up my Twitter with pics of her and someone else (or several someones).

Closest I have some to this is personalized ringtones - "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" for my daughter. "All of my Love" for the wife. "Son of Detroit" for my son. "Head for the Hills" for my old boss.
Pro tip: if you have a disparaging ringtone for someone, don't have that someone call you to help find your phone. Had to explain that to my former boss.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by NEFARIOUS

THIS... It's almost as bad as "figure it out".

I've gone through some deep shit where I don't foresee how the hell I'm going to get out of it... It's like being thrown into a pit where you can't see outside, but yet people think that it's an obvious solution when it's not. Going to the toxic friend example: I could tell him to fuck off, but he'll call me the next week to try to apologize. I can change numbers, but he knows where I live and knock on my door. I can move, but I [didn't] have the money, so my best idea was to tolerate him until I can do all the above...

But "man up" just only makes the person feel like the only other option is to kill the other man in his case, or brave homelessness in my case, and "figure it out" doesn't contribute to the cause since we've already thought of and perhaps even tried every resolution we can think of and are still in the same boat... It took one of my friend's affluent friends actually letting me borrow the $1K I needed to get the fuck out of where I lived to be able to break free.

Is this the same guy that made @biorin go
Ok, this post was just and excuse to repost that amazing picture. I'm done now.

[Verbiage]

Originally Posted by bimmette

I don't know, I think most people don't want to talk about their relationships with their parents.

Depends on the relationship. Or whether or not you're 16 years old. Hopefully OP is not the latter.

Originally Posted by TheAxiom

Who the fuck are you?

Your worst nightmare.

Originally Posted by MadDog

Bro, she was laughing at you behind your back, and she's still laughing. Betcha you paid for everything. Forget the bitch. You can do better.

Ayeeeeee Madduhh in the hizzouuuuse.

[Taskmaster]

Originally Posted by Verbiage

Depends on the relationship. Or whether or not you're 16 years old. Hopefully OP is not the latter.



Your worst nightmare.



Ayeeeeee Madduhh in the hizzouuuuse.

:rofl

Another Jamaican on here? Not bad...

[longress]

Originally Posted by smoosh

This is what I see my issue is on why I can't just get over her: I feel like I got too emotionally dependent on her. she put me through one hell of an emotional roller coaster the last year and a half, and I just went along with the ride. in a way, it almost brought us closer together. I hate to admit it, but I started to drift away from my friends and family, and just got immersed into her life. Everything that I did became about her and I, nothing was about myself anymore. so the transition to going back to just myself is extremely difficult. while the cheating shit doesn't bother me after all this time, the loss of comfort does, as stupid as that sounds. again, I feel ashamed to admit it, and I'm trying to keep as much humility about it as I can. I don't know how I let myself fall that in love with a girl like that. I became completely blinded by love, and failed to see what was going on objectively. she could give a rats ass about comfort factor, because she'll just hop into bed with another dude, and she has a huge family and friend circle. I don't. I'm an introvert and I keep to myself. I'm only in contact with my mom and brother, and that's all for family. It's a horrible feeling to feel like one person has your back after all the crap you've been through [not just with her, but with life in general], and that person is no longer there. I have had the worst nightmares, and I can't even remember the last time I used to have a nightmare.

I cannot believe I let myself get this way. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed telling this to anyone, and asking for advice. people typically see me as the guy who has his shit in check...everything except girls.

I know I will be a better person because of this, and I really am thankful for everyone on here for your guidance. I hope one day I can look back and laugh at this and wonder what the hell I was thinking, before giving advice to others in my situation at the moment.

First thing you have to understand is that your not alone. A lot of people have been through this and it's not uncommon to feel and act like you have. If you give in to your weakness now you will regret it I can assure you of that.

Distance is that way, it always makes you look back at just the good times but there is a reason why you are where you are at right now... This relationship is a loser and you need to move on from it.

Keep going to the gym and staying active as your brain will release endorphin that will naturally fight your depression. I would also suggest picking up a self-help book. This woman has damaged you but you have allowed her to and now you are "co-dependent". It sounds like a BS cliche but man you have to go through pain to get to where you need to be. Some day you'll look back on this and be very thankful that you moved on!! You just have to believe in yourself and build your confidence back up.

[Whostheboss]

Originally Posted by MadDog

Bro, she was laughing at you behind your back, and she's still laughing. Betcha you paid for everything. Forget the bitch. You can do better.

MadDog!!!!

[C5driver]