Quote:
Originally Posted by Sedan_Clan
Ok ladies and gents, I'll present a scenario and I want honest feedback.
So….
…my career field doesn't really provide me with holidays off most of the time. My station does a lottery type approach to Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve and New Years Day; essentially everybody will get one of those four days off.
In July of this year, Hottie Attorney was asked to go to Las Vegas with a group of friends for New Year's Eve (….prior to anything official happening between her and I in terms of relationship status/title although we had been casually dating ever since April of 2020). I've known about the trip since July, but I didn't think much of it initially. One of her friends played with the idea of it being a couples trip if I could find a guy friend for her, but that wasn't something I could commit to.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. Hottie Attorney asked me if I felt left out/slighted because I wasn't formally invited. Choosing not to be "that guy," I told her I didn't mind. I didn't want to come across controlling or anything. For the record, she has gone on many girl's-only trips, so that's not the crux of the issue. In any case, I asked for Christmas Eve off because she holds that day in high(er) regard, but I was given New Year's Eve off instead. I had hoped that being presented with that information she would have taken it upon herself to decide to spend it with me since I'm off work. When that didn't happen, I started to develop a bit of resentment because I would've done that for her. To me, New Year's Eve can be significant when you're in a relationship and it began to bother me.
On Tuesday night I finally said something……at 2am. Admittedly it wasn't ideal timing considering it was the middle of the night and considering she has been really stressed at work. It also didn't help that Sunday and Monday she could feel a shift in my energy, but she didn't understand why. In that moment, I basically released everything that had been building up, and it blindsided her a bit. Generally speaking, our communication is fantastic, but in that moment there was a breakdown. I take responsibility for not bringing it up sooner; for allowing it to fester. While we both consider it a minor hiccup that wasn't damaging (…and was a small ordeal in the grand scheme of the relationship), I can't help but question whether I should've made a big deal about it. To me, the issue surrounding spending that evening together means something. She admitted that it was a lapse of judgment on her part not to acknowledge my availability and to attempt to consider other options. We both carry responsibility in this, but I do feel bad because she's shouldering a lot at work and this issue just added more stress because she had an opportunity to decline to go, but when asked I didn't speak up at the time. Now there's some tension. Not relationship ending tension, but tension nonetheless…..and I feel like we took a slight step backwards from a mostly forward progressing and healthy relationship.
My heart was in the right place. I just want to be with her that evening. It will fill awkward being off and us not being together. I know if the shoe were on the other foot and I went to Las Vegas instead of spending it with her - knowing she was available - she would feel some type of way about that (…and probably question my priorities). She told me she would rethink the trip, but if she decides to spend it with me, will there be resentment? If she decides to go, what does that say about our relationship, my voiced concerns and her priorities? I dunno. I'm trapped in a whirlwind of perplexity. Thoughts?
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First off, you have every right to vent your feelings and frustrations. It sounds like both of you are at an understanding about it, so don't dwell on it, learn from it and move on. What's done is done. Every relationship will have those moments, it's how you move forward that matters.
Now, I can only speak for myself and how I would feel in that situation. I'm a pretty easy going "it is what it is" type of guy, so keep that in mind.
Because of your relationship status when you learned of the trip, and the uncertainty of days off and the inability to say yes when it was first brought up, if it were me I would brush it off and toss it up as a "the timing just didn't work out" type of thing. Yes, the plans can be changed now that you know you have NYE off, but we are a just a few weeks away and at this point everything is already planned out and in place as far as her trip. If it were me, I'd tell her she's worked hard and deserves her trip and to have fun, especially since it was already a thing before you became what you are now. When she gets back you can spend plenty of quality time together. Try to let go of that resentment. I don't think it's a matter of priorities, this was something thats shes been planning and likely excited about for a while.
My girl takes trips for her business a lot that are also "fun" trips. Sometimes they happen to be right when I get home from long trainings or whatever and while I would love to spend that time with her, I know those trips are important to her and she works hard to make them happen, and I don't want to take that away from her. Her happiness is my priority.