Quote:
Originally Posted by Alfisti
There is a lot to consider if you split up in regards to kids, especially the impact of the inevitable new partner acting as a second dad. Small kids almost always seek comfort with their mothers, it is just the way it is, you can find yourself on the outside looking in very, very quickly.
Dynamics are important too. If the woman sort of spoils the kid a bit and the dad is the disciplinarian, when you separate the dad is instantly the bad guy. Again, especially if the new guy comes in splashing around toys and other gifts that you purposely withheld because too much is no good for the kid. You can lose control of the framework of your parenting very quickly.
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We definitely see things much the same way. And I'm the disciplinarian for the most part, and if it weren't for my wife supporting me and backing me up to the kids, I'm certain I'd be the bad guy in my kids mind. Probably already am to a degree. Not super positive my oldest even loves me to be honest despite my wife constantly reassuring me that he does.
But I grew up in a house where we got the wooden spoon applied for all sorts of stuff and I grew up the better for it. So there is no way I'm going to withhold discipline either from my kids because I do see the benefits. Although, it does have to be done in a loving manner too which my parents were always good at.
But it was amusing to hear my eldest (who just turned 6) describe the hierarchy of power in the house. He's like:
"First it is God who is in control of everything. Then it's you Daddy who is the boss of Mommy and us. And then it's Mommy who is the boss. But you can tell Mommy no if you wanted to."
Which is true, but it necessitated a conversation with him about how much I love Mommy and so if she said something should be done, it would be very rare for me to use my position to override her. And because she knows that I love her and believes that I'm making a decision for the best of the family, she would submit to that decision in that rare case. But that mostly, Daddy and Mommy always agree on the way things should be done...though what wasn't shared was the discussions that happen behind the scenes between us where we sometimes change each others minds lol. Because we definitely don't always agree initially. Most times we are pretty much on the same page though which is nice.