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Damn, that's a real bad run in your family. Sorry to hear.
I remember your cousins murder on the local news here, absolutely horrific.
Don't have any advice to offer because I just don't know what would help but I guess you talking about it and getting if off your chest should be good. Hang in there.
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"The Constitution was never construed to authorize Congress to infringe the just liberty of the press, or the rights of conscience; or to prevent the people of the United States, who are peaceable citizens, from keeping their own arms.” Samuel Adams
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