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1) If you did the refi subsequent to the divorce decree agreed upon by the court, then you open up a whole new can of worms because the two of you violated the terms of the court order. Technically, a total jerk of a judge can actually hold you both in contempt. Regardless, if it was done after the divorce was final, then you have no legal standing because it wasn't part of the divorce decree.
2) Unless we are talking a huge sum of money here, the whole point of a divorce is to remove each other from your lives. Divorces cost money and there is rarely a winner in the whole thing. My recommendation is to simply accept whatever terms she is wanting, assuming that it isn't a massive sum of money you will lose, and just move on chalking the loss up to a learning experience.
FWIW, any further financial dealings with the ex must have proper legal documentation and signatures of both parties to prevent additional protracted battles that it looks like you are currently on the precipice of.
Good luck - just my two cents.
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Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
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